What aren't you telling me Castle?
by ElleinadElocin
Summary: Castle and Beckett are caught in the game of a twisted bomber killing people with secrets they don't what anyone else to know about.  So why is Castle being targeted?
1. Boom

_**Authors note:**_

_Me: *claps hands* OK Audience! This is my first ever attempt at fanfiction!_

_This particular one has been stewing in a notebook for months now, and a certain fangirl_

_*cough*WhiteKingdomAngel*cough* has inspired me to finally get this up here. And rest assured, my Psych story will soon follow!_

_Audience: YAY!_

_Me: *blushes* awww, you're too kind._

_**READ ON!**_

"But that doesn't make sense, if Hoskins was trying to kill Franklin why did he make the bomb go off when Franklin was so far away, I mean, the man only had a couple broken ribs and a concussion, that's hardly life-threatening."

Beckett narrowed her eyes slightly,

"I don't know Castle, maybe it was an accident, maybe the bomb just detonated too early."

Castle nodded slightly, though his face still said, _I still think there's more to the case than a bomb going off too early._

He opened his mouth as if to say so, but before he could Beckett brought a finger up and stabbed it toward his nose and glared.

Castles eyes got a little comically wide and his face fell, "Fine."

Beckett smiled slightly and continued walking.

"I bet you ten bucks Ryan won't go within ten feet of Gates' office when we have to tell her Hoskins got away."

Beckett grinned, "You're on."

Castle smiled gleefully and Beckett clicked the button on her keychain to unlock the car.

The sudden explosion threw them both many feet threw the air, Beckett landed with a sickening _crack!_ as her back hit the pavement.

Seeing stars she stared at the sky, feeling pain rage through her entire body, not even getting shot hurt as much as this. Slowly she let her head flop sideways to stare at the mangled, flaming and smoking remains of her car.

The pain was becoming so intense she didn't even think of Castle for quite a few moments. As she suddenly was hit with panic she threw her head around searching for him, she gasped slightly in pain as her ribs protested the movement.

She spotted him ten feet away from her, slumped against a building bleeding from what looked like more than one serious wound.

"Castle…"

She could only whisper his name as the edges of her vision turned black and her ribs burned from pain, she could here sirens in the distance as she lay there unable to move.

All she could think about as darkness overtook her was, _Alexis is going to kill me if he dies._

And then nothing.

_**Authors Note:**_

_Me: Ok! What does the Audience think? Is it worthy of continuing! _

_And as a side note, the next chapter has a 24 hours later….sorta thing goin' on. So sorry for the abysmally short chappy..._

_Oh, and you see those little blue letters down there, yeah, right down there…little lower, a little to the left, **yes! **__Right there, **that **my dear audience, is the review monster. _

_It gets very angry when you don't click it and type in the box it puts up….so you better do it or it will come to your home in the middle of the night and eat you!_

_Audience: *cowers* OK!OK!OK! We'll do it!_

_Me: *pats audiences cheeks* very sweet of you dears! *skips off to finish chapter 2*_


	2. Waking Up

**Authors Note:**

_Me: Thank you all so much for the amount of alerts you all gave my first chapter! You have no idea how happy this makes me!_

_*jumps about in happiness and tosses roses to Audience*_

_I feel kinda bad the first chapter was so short, so…this one will be much longer!_

_And I will update as much as I am able, being a full time student can be….time-consuming…._

_*rolls eyes in annoyance*_

_And also, at the end A/U I said it will be a '24 hours later' thing, I meant 'earlier' but that changed, so I now have the perfect way of explaining what happened and not leaving you with that terrible cliffy for too long! _

_Beckett: I can't believe you did this to me! I just got shot, and now you blow me up!_

_Castle: Don't worry Kate, I think that manic glint in her eye is aimed at me, not you…_

_*pats him on the back and grins evilly* don't worry, you survive….at least until Alexis gets a hold of you_

_*smiles cheekily and skips away to write chapter 3*_

_Ok then!_

_**READ ON!  
><strong>_

* * *

><p>Kate groaned as she slowly drifted conscious.<p>

She gasped as she propped herself up on her elbows, her ribs shrieking in pain, telling her she in all likelihood, had a couple broken ribs.

Rolling to the side she slowly lifted herself to her knees, holding back tears as her injuries made themselves known, the memories of what has happened flooded her minds eye.

_Castle!_

She turned to look at him and groaned when she saw how terrible he looked. Blood was still seeping through his shirt around the shard of glass embedded in his stomach, staining the crisp white fabric. His head hung down on his chest, his hair covering his eyes. She also saw a large shard of glass protruding from his leg.

Beckett groaned again as she crawled toward him,

"Castle, Castle plea-please wake up"

He shifted slightly at her voice, gave a small groan and lifted his head.

She gasped again as she saw the large, bleeding laceration on the left side of his head and the dark, mottled bruise forming on the opposite side.

"Wa-what happened, Kate! Are you ok?"

Beckett eyes widened as she heard what he had asked. _He__'__s__covered__in__blood__and__probably__in__a__considerable__amount__of__pain,__and__he__'__s__asking__**me**__if__**I**__**'**__**m**__ok?_

"Yeah Castle, I'm fine, but your not"

Kate slowly made her way over to him as she listened to the sirens getting closer, Esposito and Ryan would be here any minute with a bus, maybe even sooner since she had no idea how long she had been unconscious.

"Beckett, don't, you're hurt, I can tell. Stop moving, I'm fine"

Beckett stopped and looked him in the eyes, she could tell he was in pain, but he didn't want her to hurt herself more.  
>Conceding she lowered herself to the ground and few feet from him and lay back down, she couldn't help him any of one of her broken ribs punctured a lung and she bled to death in front of him.<p>

Suddenly a car screeched to a halt across the street and Esposito and Ryan ran to where they where lying.

"Beckett! Are you ok?"

Esposito knelt by her side, his eyes scanning for injuries, wincing as he took them in.

"Espo, I'm going to be fine, just a couple broken ribs and a concussion, it's Castle, he needs help"

They both looked over at Ryan who was kneeling by Castle, who now had his head leaning against the wall with his eyes half closed, mouth shut in a grimace as Ryan pulled out a handkerchief and laid it over his wound.

Ryan looked over at her and shook his head,

"We can't move him, he has a serious wound here, where's that bus!"

At that moment the ambulance sped up and parked as close as they could get with the wreckage of her car still burning. EMTs swarmed over Castle, immediately assessing his injuries to be more serious, but two hovered over her as well.

Ryan and Esposito were shooed away as they worked.

"Hey detective, my name is Hannah, can you tell me were you hurt?"

Beckett shifted slightly as the EMT leaned over her,

"My ribs, think a few are broken, and my leg hurts pretty bad, think some glass got me."

Hannah nodded and motioned for her partner to attend her leg.

"Ok detective, this is gonna hurt, but I need to check your ribs, ok?"

Kate nodded and braced herself as the EMTs hands gently felt along her stomach.

The pain was like knives stabbing her over and over, but it receded as Hannah's hand did.

"Ok, you have two broken ribs, one fractured, and we need to stitch up that laceration on her head ok? We're going to get you strapped onto a gurney and take you to the hospital alright? Try not to move too much, let us do the work"

"No, no, I have to wait for Castle, I'm not going without him"  
>Kate was terrified that if she left he would die without her there; without being able to tell him, tell him she did remember.<p>

Hannah looked at her with understanding and then over at the EMTs hovering over Castle, answering she said,

"OK, you're not in critical condition, so we'll see if we can transport you both in the same bus ok?"

"Thank you"

Beckett lay there as Hannah's partner strapped a brace to her neck, to restrict movement that could cause further damage to her ribs. She lay there waiting in fear as she watched the others work on Castle.

He was awake, to Kate's surprise, and he was wincing as he was laid gently to the ground, reducing the pressure on the glass embedded in his stomach. Beckett let her eyes close for a minute, trying to calm herself, he would be ok, if Castle was anything he was stubborn. He would be ok, he had to be. Leaning her head to the side she watched as they worked on Castle, they were talking hurriedly, she caught small snippets of it as the slight wind carried their voices to her.

"We need to get him to the -pital."

"We can't remove the glass yet, come on, get him on the gur-."

"Hurry, he's losi- a lot of blo-"

She looked up at Hannah as she jogged over.

"Ok detective, we're going to get you both on gurneys and get you to the hospital, Castle is in critical condition, he's lost a lot of blood, and we're afraid he may be bleeding internally."

Keeping the tears at bay Beckett nodded as much as the brace would allow and stayed still as she was lifted onto and strapped into a gurney.

As much as Kate wanted to stay awake her eyes began to close, the pain throughout her body was burning and pulling at her. Her mind begged to let unconsciousness take over, as it finally won. As her eyes closed she looked over at Castle who was looking at her with pain in his eyes.

They both fell unconscious with each others faces as the last things they saw.

* * *

><p><em>Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.<em>

_Ugh, what is that noise? _

Castle slowly opened his eyes, but immediately shut them at the blinding white of the room.

_Where am I? Oh yeah, I was in an explosion, huh….I don't feel like I was in an explosion._

_Ok, let's try moving_

That, it turned out, was a mistake. For the moment he tried to move pain began to radiate through his entire body. Castle gasped as the fire in his abdomen flared, then receded, leaving a dull burning ache in its wake.

"Castle?"

Slowly peeling his eyes open one centimeter at a time he was finally able to see that Beckett was leaning over him with an equally worried and relieved look on her face.

"Beckett? What happened? Where am I?"

He screwed his face up when he realized how stupid that question was.

_Where do you think you are you idiot? The mall?_

Detective Beckett's face lost all it's worry and was replaced by complete happiness.

"Castle! I'm so glad you're ok! I was so worried!"

"Kate, how are you here? Your hurt too.

"They released me a few hours ago, I'm fine, compared to you, how do you feel?"

Richard woozily smiled at her,

"I'm fine Kate, just feeling kinda like I was just blown up, and given way too much morphine, which actually feels great. Can't even feel that splinter I got yesterday."

Beckett smiled and shook her head, _still__making__jokes,__even__after__this._

"Castle, you are such a child"

Castle made a face at her tried to lift himself up.

But the only thing he was capable of doing was letting out a loud and pained yelp as his injuries flared up.

Beckett got a freaked out look on her face and gently laid her hand on his chest,

"No Castle! Don't try and move! You just got stabbed with a piece of glass and slammed against a building, you've been unconscious for _hours,_why are you trying to move!"

Richard looked at her with wide eyes,

"Does this mean I can't leave?

* * *

><p><em><strong>Me:<strong> ok, so you all have just made my day! I didn't expect so many alerts! Thank you all so much!_

_Don't worry, the reason behind the bombing and the reason behind the story title will all be explained!_

_**Castle:** That's just mean, what did I ever do to you? I mean really, blowing me up! You're evil._

_**Beckett:** Cummon Castle, let's get outta here before she starts getting violent_

_**Me:** *Cackles*_

_Ok, so I am going on Thanksgiving vaca. Until Monday…..which means no update till sometimes Friday, maybe Sunday next week…*cowers behind desk*_

_Don't hurt me! I'll be writing the next chapter while I'm gone, then all it will need is typing out and uploading! Also! I need a beta! Any suggestions!_

_Ok my dearies, until next week!_


	3. Secrets

_Ok, so it turns out a had time this morning to write out this chapter, so you my dear Audience, get a two chapters in two days!_

_Audience: *YAY!*_

_Ok then, this chappy will begin the explanation of why Castle has been targeted, and he is not going to want let go of any information if he can help it, so be prepared for stubborn!Castle. He'll let some go, but Kate will know it's not the whole truth._

_And so you will chappy for sometime next week, until then!_

_**READ ON!**_

* * *

><p>"Dad, you really shouldn't be moving around, the doctor said to take it easy, you could rib your stitches"<p>

Castle looked over at his daughter, whose big blue eyes were looking at him worriedly.

"Don't worry sweetie, I'll be careful."

"Are you sure you'll be ok dad?"

"Yes sweetie, just go to the party, have fun, I'll be fine here alone"

Alexis smiled slightly and nodded, cocking and eyebrow she answered,

"OK, but you better not do anything that could hurt you more, or I'll sic Detective Beckett on you"

Castle screwed his face up in mock fear and held up his hands in surrender,

"I will act like a newborn kitten and live on the couch with many a blanket and pillow all week. That requires no activity what so ever, happy?"

Alexis grinned and gave him a gentle hug,

"OK daddy, I'll be back by midnight OK?"

"Have fun sweetie, tell Ashley I have this beauty of .45 if he ever wants to come see it, I'll show 'im how it works"

Alexis rolled her eyes and said,

"Yes daddy, I'm sure even the sight of you has him quaking in his shoes"

Castle smiled and laid his hand on her soft red locks, then kissing the top of her head he said,

"OK, be safe sweetie, see you in the morning"

Alexis gave him one last hug and left for her party.

_Ugh, finally. No more women to hover over me like mother hens_

Walking slowly to the fridge he pulled out a container of Rocky Road, grabbed a spoon and went into his office.

Files and pictures were scattered across his desk, photos of previous crime scenes held the images of mangled and burning cars. Others of the victims, he cringed slightly as he spied the photos of him and Beckett, and the car.

Castle had been released from the hospital two days ago; he wished it had been earlier, he hated hospitals.

He had been in the hospital a week ago and their case had started three weeks ago.

It had all started when a car bomb exploded, killing Daniel Summers, a 45 year old male with a wife and two kids.

The bomb had gone off when Summers was in the car, his remains had to be identified through dental records because the damage was so extensive.

Five days later another car bomb exploded, almost killing Matthew Hoskins, a 38 year old male, no wife, no kids. No family at all, actually.

And then a week ago Richard Castle and Detective Kate Beckett, not a single connection could be found among them.

Castle sighed as he rubbed his hands over his face; the wound in his stomach was throbbing, causing his head to hurt.

He sat there for awhile reading over the case file again, trying to see something he had missed; suddenly there was a knock on the door.

_Alexis has a key, mother is in Washington…who in the world?_

Getting up he made his way to the door, banging his shin on the coffee table as he went by.

Castle let out a strangled yelp and crumpled to the floor as the wound in his leg burned from the impact.

A voice came through the door,

"Castle!"

Suddenly the door flew open and Beckett flew into the room, spying him on the floor she ran over and knelt by him,

"Castle, what happened, are you ok?"

Richard sighed as he realized he had left the door unlocked,

"Yeah Kate, I'm fine, just wacked myself on this table is all"

Kate looked relieved, then realizing the door was still open she went over and shut it, then helped Castle to his feet.

He hissed as his leg protested the movement, Beckett helped him wobble to the couch and he collapsed onto it.

"Kate, what are you doing here? I thought you were following a lead?"

"I was, or well, I did. That's why I'm here, to give you an update in what I found"

"Ah, in that case, the Rocky Road is on my desk, the Mint Chip is in the freezer, spoons second drawer down on the right in the kitchen"

Castle leaned his head back against the couch and closed his eyes, so he didn't see the smile that spread across Beckett's face as she walked toward the kitchen.

Five minutes later they were both sitting on the couch with a file spread out in front of them, and eating their respective ice-creams.

"OK, so I think I found Summers and Hoskins connection, when Summers was twenty one he was living in LA, he was involved in a shoot out between to rival gangs. He was shot in the stomach and taken to the hospital. Two days after being admitted he disappeared, no one knew where he had gone, he just up and left."

"And Hoskins was involved in a hit and run accident when he was twenty two in New Jersey. He hit a thirty year old man and then drove away from the scene, the man died.

Castle frowned,

"I don't get it, how is this a connection?"

"Summers family had no idea he had even lived in LA, he never told them, in fact, he said he had lived in New York his whole life. When I dug deeper, I found out that Summers had been a member of one of the gangs involved in the shoot out. It turns out he was getting ready to flip on his gang, he was most likely targeted."

Castle leaned back,

"And I'm guessing the hit and run may not have been an accident?"

Beckett nodded,

"It turns out Hoskins was embezzling from his company, the man he killed was going to rat him out. The case back then was never fully followed up on, a combination of bad police work and negligence let Hoskins get away with it."

"So the connection between the two is they both had secrets, they both had something they didn't want anyone ever knowing."

Beckett nodded, she looked up at Castle as he rose shakily form the couch and moved to the cabinet, pulling out a glass he poured himself a drink. Beckett watched him avoid her gaze and sit back down on the couch.

"So, CSU got back to me, the bomb that almost killed us was the same kind with the same signature as the ones that killed Summers and Hoskins."

Castle nodded slowly, still not looking at her.

"Castle, I was still at least three yards from the car, you were only a couple feet from it. You were the one who took the brunt, you were the one who almost died"

Castle gulped down the last of his drink and stood,

"Kate, I think you should probably go, I'm really tired, we can talk about it in the morning."

"Castle, what aren't you telling me? Why were you targeted, why did he try to kill you?"

Castle shook his head and frowned,  
>"I don't know Beckett, maybe it was all a mistake, I don't know. I don't have anything to hide!"<p>

Beckett jerked back at his tone, he had never yelled at her before,

"I didn't say you had anything to hide Castle, you did. So what is it?"

Castle just stood there looking at her; she couldn't identify the look in his eyes.

Standing up she stood in front of him, laying her hand on his arm she whispered.

"Rick, please. You can tell me, you can trust me."

Castle stood there and closed his eyes, enjoying the feeling of her hand on his arm, enjoying it while he could, because she wouldn't be doing it when he finally told her why he was targeted.

* * *

><p><em>So? Whadya think? I know where I'm going with this!<em>

_I Love all of you! I love all of your reviews!_

_Ok Audience, you have gotten another chapter! So when I return I expect all rotten fruit to be put away and all thoughts of harming me for my long absence removed from your mind!_

_Audience: *frowns warily and slowly puts down rotten fruit*_

_*Grins shakily* ok guys, awesome sauce! Ya know, you can put the pitchforks down too…_

_*Runs*_

_Ta Ta my dearies! Until next week!_


	4. The past never stays in the past

_Me; Ok guys, *shaky voice* I see those implements that cause physical harm hiding there behind your back!  
>No need to pull them out! I have finished chapter 4! In one day! In one <strong>school <strong>day!  
><em>_You should all be proud of me!  
>I have further plans for our pretty man Ricky, that little bomb incident was just child's play... *shady eyes*<br>There will be more, and poor Ricky will never visit my screen again after this...*shady grin* that is...until I take out that special chair with all the straps on it...  
><em>**_READ ON!  
><em>**

* * *

><p><strong><strong>Beckett stood in Castle's living room as she slowly mulled over what she had just heard.

Castle, her Castle, the sweet, caring, lovable and goofy Castle, had killed someone.

She knew she should feel angry, understanding, hurt, and maybe even feel sorry for him. But she just felt nothing; she didn't think the information had completely sunk in yet. She could feel Castle watching her from his spot in the couch; he had another drink in his hand, she could tell that in the past, that may have been a sign of bad times.

Beckett let everything Castle had told her run through her mind, trying not to feel to bias about it, trying to keep her emotions out of her thoughts, making herself look at what he had told her like a cop, not someone who cared for him…

"_I was eighteen, I was young, reckless. Mother wasn't home much; always off with some guy, or at an audition. I was home alone a lot, so when I was bored I would go walking through the streets. We lived in Southern Brooklyn at the time, bad part of town, lots of gang wars and drug deals going down."_

"_One night I was out late, and I got confronted by a local gang, they were out patrolling the streets, I don't know why they were out that night, all I know is that they ruined my life."_

"_At first I just fingered the knife I carried with me, I didn't know if they were looking for a fight, or just thought I was out selling." _

"_But after a few moments of them just following me I decided it was probably a better idea to just get the heck outta there. So I turned tail and ran, they of course chased me."  
>"There were five of 'em, I knew before I even got a hundred feet that they'd catch me, and catch me they did. They got me cornered and started beating on me, I of course fought back, you don't grow up in Southside and not learn to fight one way or another."<em>

"_I don't know why, but after a little while they pulled back, left me leaning against a building all beat up, they just stood there, looking at me."_

"_One of them stepped forward and grabbed my arm, pulling me up. He pulled out a knife and made like he was about to skewer me with it. It wasn't until I had gotten it from him and had it against his neck did I realize they were testing me."_

"_And that night was the start of my days in the Lower Street gang."_

"_I had only been in for a month when they gave me my first gun, they had decided they wanted to take me on a run through town, retaliation against a rival gang who had hit one of their stores."_

"_They weren't happy when I refused; I was kicked out true gang style. I had a two broken ribs by the time they were done."_

At this point Castle had stopped and turned to the bottle he had pulled out earlier. Pouring himself another glass he slumped onto the couch with a look on his face Beckett couldn't quite figure out. But she could see from his body language he didn't want to continue, but he did anyway.

"_My mom wasn't the best in choosing men; almost all of them had some kind of issue._

_One day, about a week after I had gotten 'kicked out' of the gang, she called and said she was at her boyfriend's house, and she wanted me to come pick her up."_

"_So I went over and knocked on the door, she opened it and said to stay there while she went to get her things."_

"_I wasn't expecting him to do anything, he had looked passed out on the couch, I just stood in the doorway watching him, then suddenly he got up and stood in front of me."_

"_Before I even knew what was happening he had hit me across the face, yelling at me to answer him, that I had to respect my elders and do what he said."_

"_I just looked at him; he hadn't even asked me anything. He got so mad, his face got red and he hit me again. A fell to the ground and he started kicking me."  
>"I was so #!*% , I had already been beaten up enough, but suddenly I was afraid if I didn't let him get it out on me, he might hit my mother, my mother and I weren't on best terms at the time, but I still loved her and didn't want to see her hurt."<br>"So I just let him beat me, he stopped after awhile; I just lay there on the floor trying to get enough strength back to stand. But at that moment mom came back in."_

"_She just stopped in the doorway and stared at me, she kept looking between me and her boyfriend, she dropped the bag she was carrying and came over and knelt by me, but he grabbed her by the hair and yanked her back."_

"_I yelled at him to get away from her, but he ignored me and started hitting her. I guess I kinda snapped, I don't even remember pulling out the gun I had in my waistband, the gun my old gang had given me."_

"_I do remember holding it on him, he stopped and looked at me, he just smiled. He said, _

"_Your not gonna shoot me boy, you're just a pathetic coward."_

_He stepped back toward mother again and pulled her to her feet, but he never got a chance to pull her all the way up."_

_I hadn't realized at the time he was stopping, he had been helping her up. That look in his eyes had gone. I just pulled the trigger."_

_He__had__killed__someone,__he__killed__someone._ The words rang in Kate's head.

She knew it had been self-defense, he would have never gotten any time for it. But it was still hard to realize her Castle had been in a gang and killed someone and never told her. What else was he hiding?

Realizing something she turned to look at him.

"You're not telling me everything Castle, your story doesn't work, it doesn't give our attacker a reason to kill you."

Castle stared at her, a look of annoyance on his face.

"Why can't you just leave it Beckett! I told you everything, stop prying!"

He lunged up from the couch a stormed into the kitchen and leaned on the counter, head in his hands.

Beckett inwardly cringed, that was the second time he had yelled at her today. With a look of determination Beckett walked over to Castle, pulled him up to where he was standing in front of her, and she smacked him upside the head.

Castle pulled back with a startled look on his face,

"What was that for!"

"For yelling at me, lying to me, and being an all around idiot!"

"What! I'm not being an idiot! I told you everything!"

"No you didn't Castle, I know you well enough to see it when your lying to me, you haven't told me everything, there's more, and it's the reason out bomber tried to kill you!"

Castle stared at her, then he just turned and walked back to the couch, slumping down he rubbed his hands over his face.

"I covered it up Beckett, I covered it up"

Beckett looked in astonishment and he started crying silently,

_He covered it up?_

Beckett couldn't see the Castle she knew covering up a murder, but he had, she just heard it form his own mouth.

"You killed him, and then covered it up?"

"Yes. I wiped the gun off and left in on the floor, I grabbed mom and just ran. I just pulled her out to the car and drove away. I was shaking so bad, I was bleeding, mother was half unconscious."

"When we got back to our apartment mom just collapsed on the couch, beside the fact she was drunk she had been hit on the head multiple times. I don't think she truly remembers that night."

"I just curled up in the corner sobbing; I couldn't believe I had just killed someone. About three days later I saw a clip in the newspaper about a man name Doug Adams being shot and killed in his home by a local gang. The gun used to kill him had been traced back to a Harry Franks, a member of the Lower Street gang. He had confessed to it."

"I figured he wanted the credit for it, it was another x tattoo on his arm. Over the years I just began to forget about it, I never figured out if that was what made me start writing crime novels, I think it was mainly the things I had seen while in the LS. We moved, I met Gina, mother changed, Gina and I had Alexis. Life just moved on, I know what you're thinking Beckett. I haven't forgotten what I've done, I remember every second of it, I remember how it felt to pull that trigger, and see the life leave his eyes, and feeling sick when it was over."

Beckett finally moved from her spot in the kitchen and sat by Castle, who had a haunted look in his eyes. She could see the remorse, the regret; she knew that there was nothing to be done about what had happened. The Statute of Limitation stated he could no longer be charged for covering it up, it was self-defense, and running form the scene was a misdemeanor. He could no longer be charged with anything.

She knew Castle knew that, but she couldn't see that it didn't make him feel any better.

Kate laid her hand on Castle's arm for the second time that day, she felt him stiffen slightly, and then relax.

"Rick, I don't blame you, I'm not angry at you anymore, I am a little annoyed that you never told me, but I understand."

Castle looked at her,

"Thanks, Kate. That means more than you might think."

"Ok then Castle, we need to call Esposito and Ryan and update them on everything ok? Then we are going to catch ourselves a serial bomber."

* * *

><p><em>Me: Yes! I did it! I got what I wanted across!<br>__I was a little afraid it wouldn't come out right, there may be a few errors in there, but I'll fix 'em later so I can just get this up so you guys won't kill me…..  
><em>_  
>*Sees pitchfork being raised and ducks behind desk*<em>

_OK, ok ok. Don't hurt me! I was on vacation! At least I got this up in less than a week right!  
><em>

_*Cringes as rotten tomato splats against wall*_

_Ok fine, be that way! I'll make sure to get a new chappy up this week!  
><em>_There, happy?  
><em>_Castle: This really isn't fair, you know Esposito is probably going to whack me when he finds out about all this right!_

_*Pats him on the cheek, don't worry my Ricky, you'll be fine. I'm sure Espo has a few secrets of his own he wouldn't want anyone knowing.*_

_Beckett: That is so not me! I woulda smacked him more than once for lying to me all these years!_

_*HA!*_

_You have no right little miss tough-as-nails-cop! I'm sure you have your buried bodies as well.  
><em>_Ok then my dear Audience! Until the next chapter, I bid you adieu!_


	5. Authors Note

This is a little author's note. I just got a review from Jayce Gish, and I wanted to say you are completely right.

I had forgotten that Meredith was Alexis' mother, not Gina. I will be sure to go back and fix it.

And about the medical part, you are right in that as well, I was contemplating if I wanted to keep the chapter longer and do it right by writing the whole trip to the hospital and getting the glass removed. But I had a specific way I wanted to write it, so I didn't do it.  
>I do have a pretty extensive knowledge of the medical side of things, and I realize I probably should let it be longer for the sake of being accurate.<p>

But because of your review I have gone back and fixed it, and will be uploading the revised version shortly.

And I wanted to say, I really appreciate your review! I do want these things pointed out to me, so thank you Jayce, I hope you enjoy the rest of the story.

*Throws roses to the smart lady who gave me a great review*


	6. Secrets Revealed

_I love this chapter, so far this is my favorite. And my profile stands true! That little bit at the end is all it's going to escalate to!_

_Ok then Audience, enjoy!_

_**READ ON!  
><strong>_

* * *

><p><em><em>Esposito and Ryan leaned side by side against the table in Castle's loft as Beckett told them everything that had happened. Every few moment they would glance at Castle who sat dejectedly in a seat, with his head leaning on his folded arms against the table.

"Wow bro, I can't believe you never told us this."

Castle just looked up at Esposito and shook his head in annoyance, then got up with a wince and went to the coffee maker on the counter.

"Hey man, are you alright, you really shouldn't be up and moving around, you had major surgery to fix the internal bleeding you had. You should just go sit down, I'll make some coffee."

"Stop coddling me Ryan, I've been through worse and I'm still here, just bug off."

Ryan looked slightly taken aback at Castle's words.

"Ya man, whatever."

Castle looked a little guilty and gave Ryan an apologetic grin, then moved from the coffee maker and collapsed onto the couch with a groan.

Beckett moved to the cupboard and reached for the mugs as she spoke.

"Ok, we need to cross reference everyone in Castle's, Hoskins' and Summers' pasts, see if any similarities pop up, we need to stop this guy before he kills again. And next time more people may be hurt other than the one he's targeting."

Ryan clicked the brew button on the coffee maker and moved to sit by Castle on the couch.

"Hey man, you looked through everything with us last week, did you recognize and names, places?"

"No, nothing I remember seeing looked familiar. I don't think you'll find anything, he seems to be picking at random."

They all sat in silence until the coffee machine beeped, after a few minutes everyone was back in their seats holding mugs of coffee, still silent as they thought over their case.

Suddenly Castle spoke.

"Guys, how did our guy even know about any of this? How on earth did he even find out about Hoskins? I mean, finding out about Summers wouldn't have been hard, but Hoskins?

You're a cop and even you had to do serious digging to find out about the embezzlement."

The three detectives looked at each other; all three had contemplative looks on their faces.

"I don't know bro, did you ever tell anyone about what happened?"

"No, you guys are the only people who know, beside mother, who, like I said, doesn't remember much of that night other than she was at her boyfriends place that night."

Everyone shifted slightly in their seats as they mulled over what Castle had said.

How had the killer found out?

"Guys, I'm about to say something none of you are gonna like, so please take into account my weakened and wounded state and don't harm me."

In unison Beckett, Esposito and Ryan all looked at him in apprehension.

Castle cleared his throat nervously.

"Ok, um, I think….I think it was a cop."

All three of his friends narrowed their eyes and glared at him,

"Come on man! You have no proof of that"

"Think about it Ryan! What was the only thing all three of us had in common?"

Castle watched as they thought about, he watched as their faces changed from one emotion to the next. Anger, annoyance, hurt, determination.

Finally Esposito spoke,

"Police officers, you all three have police officers in common."

Ryan spoke up,

"Hoskins was questioned by the police when he was in the hospital"

"The police got called to Summers' offices when their was suspicion of embezzlement."

Beckett looked at Castle with a strange look,

"What about you Castle. The only cops you told were us, and that wasn't until after you got attacked."

Castle shifted in his seat again, fingering his mug.

"Well, there may have been one tiny bit I left out."

Ryan and Esposito narrowed their eyes, while a hurt look crossed Beckett's face.

_He still hasn't told me everything._

Castle cleared his throat and finally told them the last bit of his story.

"Two days after they had found Doug Adams a cop showed up at our door asking to speak to me. He had somehow gotten information that I had been seen with the L.S.G. for a little while, he wanted to know if I knew anything that could help them."

"He said I wouldn't be charged with anything attributed to the gang if I helped him, I never told him anything. I was being hounded by guilt, and I lied to his face."

"He left and I never saw him again, but that look of suspicion on his face is still implanted in my memory. I knew he didn't believe me, and he knew that I knew, he left me alone, even when he knew I was lying to him."

The three detectives just watched him as he fidgeted under their gaze.

"Well? Are you going to lay into me or not?"

Beckett rose from her seat and laid her mug in the sink.

"We'll be back in a little while Castle, we need to go pick up some stuff from the precinct, we'll be back later tonight and we'll look through it. See if we can find any connection, maybe you all had a cop in common."

Esposito and Ryan nodded and left Castle's loft, but Beckett stayed for a few minutes.

"Castle, why did you keep leaving things out? Why did you keep lying to me?"

Castle couldn't bear seeing the look in her eyes, part hurt, part anger, part betrayal.

"I didn't know what you would think; I couldn't stand the thought that you would hate me if you knew the full extent of what I had done."

He looked at her as she processed what he said,

"I don't hate you Castle, I understand. I just wish you had been more honest with me."

"What? Like you honest with me? Lying to me about being fine, lying about your PTSD, lying to be about remembering that day!"

Shock spread across both of their faces, Castle's as he realized he had just said the one thing he knew Beckett thought he didn't know. And Beckett's as she realized he knew she had been lying to him all this time.

They just stood there staring at each other as they let their emotions fuel their annoyance with each other.

"Why didn't you tell me you knew I remembered! You made me look like an idiot, every time I said I didn't and you just nodded"

"How can you eve say that to me Beckett! You have no right! I watched you die in that ambulance, I watched the life leave your body! Do you have any idea how much that hurt?

I was covered in your blood, and all I could do is stand there as you were wheeled away, helpless to do anything. I had to listen to Josh blame me for you almost dying, even if he was right it still wasn't easy, I had to deal with the pain and anger of having you completely ignore me, shove me away when I felt I needed you the most. And I had to listen as you told me you couldn't be in any relationship until your mothers case was solved, the case where I was happy to stand by you every step of the way. I knew you wouldn't retreat even further from me if you knew I knew your really did remember."

Beckett stood with her eyes gaping open and with tears in her eyes as she listened to all the pain Castle had been through over the past few months wash over her.

Castle had tears in his eyes and an angry look on his face.

Whispering he said,

"You just have no right Kate, you think you're the only one whose been hurt, whose been scarred, mentally and physically. But your not Kate, I've been through more than you could ever guess."

Kate stood there in shell-shocked silence as he went back to that bottle he had been drinking out of all evening, but before he could pour another glass she went to him, and laid her hand on his wrist.

"No Castle, don't."

He didn't look at her, but his hand stilled.

"Don't, drinking isn't going to help you hide from your pain."

Castle slowly looked at her,

"I'm so sorry Kate, I had forgotten about Ji-I'm sorry"

He slowly pulled his wrist from her grip and shoved the bottle back where it had come from.

He continued to stand there as he felt her presence beside him.

"You should probably get going, Esposito and Ryan are probably wondering where you are."

Beckett looked up at him and nodded, then before he could do anything she had leaned up and kissed him, a soft tender, understanding kiss that make lights go off behind his eyes. And when they pulled back Beckett turned and practically ran from the loft.

Castle stood looking at the closed door Beckett had left behind, and wondered where this was going to go.

* * *

><p><em>Teeheehee, remember what I said at the beginning? This is it, there may be a few more kisses, but nothing else!<em>

_Ok, so there may be a little longer break between chapters this week, because I'm writing the next few chapters to my Psych fanfiction, go to my profile and check it out! _

_Review my dear Audience! REVIEW!_

_If any Psychos are reading this, I hope you enjoy my Psych story, poor, stupid Shawn…oh well_

_*evil laugh*_


	7. Vigilante

**_DON'T HURT ME!  
><em>**_*Shrieks and dives behind desk as flaming torches flies by*  
><em>_I **swear **I didn't mean to take so long to update! Things got really busy this week!  
><em>_I had my mom's birthday to shop for, Christmas to shop for, and my birthday is on the 17th! _I had things to do!  
><em>_*Stares wide eyed at an unrelenting Audience*  
><em>_Castle: Cummon Skyye, I think together Beckett and I can disarm them with my charm and her gun  
><em>_She doesn't have a gun you idiot!  
><em>_Castle:…Why didn't you let her have her gun!"  
><em>_

_Because she would probably shoot me with it duh!  
><em>_Beckett: "…..she's right ya know"  
><em>_Castle: Not helping detective!_

_*all three yelp and run as desk catches fire.  
><em>_*yells over shoulder while fleeing*_

_I WILL UPDATE AGAIN SOON! After I finish another Psych chapter…  
><em>_*ducks a pitchfork and continues fleeing*_

__**_READ ON!_**

* * *

><p>Castle sighed and rubbed his face as he sat on his couch. His abdomen was aching from the earlier movement, and his leg was still throbbing from when it collided with the coffee table earlier.<p>

He grimaced slightly as he let the last hour run through his head, he was sure the moment he had opened his mouth and all he promised he would never say came out, that Beckett would hate him forever and forbid him from following her.

But to his still present astonishment, she had cried, and kissed him.

_Katherine Beckett _had kissed _him!_

Not like the fake one when they were "undercover", but a real, willing kiss. He hadn't even done it, she had!

_When she gets back here with those files she won't even look me in the eye I bet, probably just ignore me and act like it didn't happen, like she always does._

Richard felt a little bad after he had laid into her, but at the same time, he was glad she knew, glad that she finally had a small understanding of what he had been through.

Glancing over at the cabinet that held his scotch he winced, in his own misery he had completely forgotten about Jim, he must have looked like a fool grabbing that bottle for the third time.

Castle sat there on his couch glaring gloomily into his mug of now cold coffee, and waited for the team to get back.

After a moment his cell phone began to ring,

"Castle" he answered.

"_Hey dad"_

"Oh, hey Pumpkin, what's up?"

_"Well, I was wondering if it was ok for me to spend the night at Penny's house tonight. She's having a movie night with all the girls, I won't go if you want me home, I just wanted to ask…"_

"Of course sweetie, you go right ahead, I'll be fine, Beckett and the guys are coming over to discuss the case, so you just go to your sleepover ok?"

Castle could hear the smile in her voice as she answered,

_"Ok dad, I'll call in the morning when I'm on my way home"_

"Alright sweetie, have fun, I love you"

_"Love you too daddy, goodnight"_

Castle smiled and hung up the phone, and laid his head back on the couch to continue his waiting, but he didn't have to wait long, for five minutes later there was a quick knock on his door and Beckett came in followed by Esposito and Ryan.

"OK, we got the files on Hoskins' and Summers', we also got the files that'll tell us if we can connect that one cop to all three of you."

Beckett came over to the couch and sat by Castle, much to his surprise she looked him in the eye for a moment and handed him a file.

Castle took it with a confused look and turned away.

He didn't see Beckett's slightly ashamed look,

_He probably thinks I'm going to brush off what happened and ignore it._

Everyone sat in companionable silence as they poured over the files, lists of names, addresses, dates, times, incident reports. It was almost too daunting, until Castle let out small grunt.

"What is it Castle?"

"I know this name, Rayle, Creg Rayle…."

"Castle, please, you need to be sure. I mean, one hundred percent sure, this can go wrong in so many ways if you're not completely sure about this."

"Yeah, I know Kate."

Castle stared at the name on the incident report.

Creg Rayle was the name of the officer who had questioned Hoskins' about the embezzlement, and he was the first one on the scene of the Summer's crime scene.

All four of them looked up from reading the file and looked at each other, they may not like it, but this was probable cause for a warrant at least.

"OK, we need to think this through, so…Rayle decided to go vigilante on you guys?

He figured out-or at least suspected-that Hoskins was involved in the embezzlement, and he believes that Summers' deserved what he got for the things he was involved with in the gang.

And he believes you should be punished for killing your moms old boyfriend."

Castle nodded,

"It makes sense, in a creepy, twisted way. He see's himself as judge, he thinks he's giving out due punishment to those the justice system didn't prosecute."

Beckett nodded at both Ryan's and Castle's statements.

"We've seen things like this before; I've read cases of cops who didn't think the system was doing enough, so they took things into their own hands."

Everyone sat in silence for a minute, then Esposito spoke up.

"OK, I think it's time we talk to Gates."

Castle got wide eyed at this,

"She's going to tear me apart Espo! She'll kick me out for good this time, not even the mayor will be able to help!"

Esposito looked slightly uncomfortable,

"I know this isn't the best scenario Castle, but we have to tell Gates this, we need to talk to Rayle. He needs to be stopped."

Castle sat back with a sigh and rubbed his face.

"Yeah, I know.

* * *

><p>"So you're telling me Summers', Hoskins' and Castle were all victims of attempted murder by a cop for secrets in their pasts' that Rayle believed they deserved punishment for?"<p>

Ryan, Castle, Beckett and Esposito all glanced at each other from where they were standing in a row in front of a very annoyed looking Captain Gates.

"Yes ma'am"

They all stood there uncomfortably as Gates glared at each and every one of them in turn, lingering on Castle as he shifted under her gaze.

Then suddenly she stood up and picked up her phone,

"Go find out were Rayle is living, get all the information you can on him before going after him.

He's armed and he probably won't come without a fight."

The detectives and Castle's eyes all widened slightly at her statement and shuffled their feet for a second, taken aback at her attitude.

"Ma'am?"

Gates looked up at them and glared,

"Well? I'm getting a warrant, now go!"

All four of them scurried out of her office at her command, still shocked that she had so easily listened to them.

"Well, that went well, let's go get our information on Rayle."

Everyone nodded and moved to their desks, Castle trailing Beckett until he came to his chair and sat down with a huff.

"We may not like her Castle, but she knows the truth when she hears it, she can't let her dislike of us cloud her judgment, she saw what we said made sense and she acted on it."

Castle nodded,

"Yeah, I know, I just thought she would lay into me about keeping secrets in her precinct or something."

"Give it time Castle, give it time"

Castle looked at her with narrowed eyes.

"Mhmm"

* * *

><p>"Creg Rayle! Open up, NYPD!"<p>

Beckett banged on the door one more time, and when they heard nothing she stepped back and let the door be knocked down. Cops swarmed the building, yelling "clear!"

Minutes later an officer came up to Beckett and said,

"He's not here detective, the house is empty"

Beckett growled at smacked the wall,

"He knew we were coming somehow. Who knows where he is now!"

"Calm down Beckett, we'll find him"

Beckett turned to look at Castle, who had finally been let in after the building had been cleared.

He looked worried, he was trying to hide it, but she could see it in his eyes, those beautiful blue eyes…_pull yourself together Beckett!_

"OK, so we need to figure out what he's up to, is he going after someone new, or will he try to finish what he started with you and Hoskins'? He wasn't able to kill either of you, maybe he'll try and finish the job."

Castle nodded, it made sense. Then glancing at Beckett and her face he backed up with his hands up.

"Oh no! Kate, common! I don't need protection; I'll just stay at the precinct with you!"

"Castle, if he's going to come after you again, you need to be protected. We may be too late next time!"

Castle pulled her into the hallway away from the officers and CSU who were clogging the house.

"Cummon Beckett, just let me stay at the precinct. No one is going to try and kill me while I'm there"

Beckett looked at him for a moment then nodded slightly,

"OK Castle, you can stay at the precinct for now"

"Thanks Kate"

Beckett flushed slightly as he said her name, but quickly turned and went back into the building for a minute, hiding her face from Castle.

She cam back out a minute later,

"I told the detective running this part I'm going back to the precinct; I have a report to write"

* * *

><p>Beckett leaned back in her chair and yawned, she glanced over at Castle who was draped in his chair with a faraway look on his face.<p>

"Hey, Castle, you ok?"

Castle glanced up at her as the fog of whatever he had been thinking about cleared from his eyes.

"Yeah, Kate, I'm fine, just thinking."

"About what?"

"Oh, just this case…I know it would have meant keeping you in the dark for who know how many more years, but I still wish this had never happened. And I still don't understand why Rayle took so long to punish us. It's been more than twenty years. He had every opportunity to do it years and years ago. Why now?"

Beckett shook her head,

"I dunno Castle, the reasoning behind why killers do things is never going to be something we find out for sure. Every killer is different; they each have their own reason."

Castle nodded, realizing that even if they figured it out, it wouldn't have an affect on their case.

Beckett stood and lifted her jacket from the back of her chair and started towards the elevator.

Looking back she saw Castle hadn't moved from his chair.

"Hey Castle, you coming"

Castle got up and followed her, slightly confused.

"What? We going to Remy's or something?

"No Castle, we're going home, it's late and I'm tired."

Castle halted in his tracks a foot from the elevator Beckett was currently occupying, she smiled slightly at his face and waggled her hand at him.

"Come on Castle, I want more of those pancakes you made me last time you were over at my place."

Castle gulped and followed her into the elevator.

* * *

><p>"Thanks Castle, those were really good."<p>

Castle smiled at her empty plate and stood, taking the dishes and dumping them in the sink.

"I'm known all over the world for my superior pancake making skills. Once, the emperor of Japan invited me to his palacen and make him some, I had to decline because of a book signing."

Kate stifled a giggle as she watched him do the dishes, knowing that he knew she wanted to laugh, but deciding to ignore the fact she stopped herself.

As she sat there watching him she let her mind drift.

_Why is it so nice watching him do something so domestic?_

_He really looks good in that blue shirt, wonder why he doesn't wear it often….I wish he would._

She shook herself out of her thoughts as she saw Castle turning, wiping his hands on a towel.

She smiled and stood from her spot at the table and walked over to him,

"You have some suds on your shirt"

He glanced down at them, but froze as Beckett gently wiped them off, her hand resting on his chest. He thought he was dreaming as her hand stayed where it was, not jerking away from its resting spot. He raised his eyes slowly, letting them connect with hers as she looked up at him,

"Kate"

Kate didn't say anything; she simply rose to her toes and kissed him.

Castle had never felt anything like it before, it wasn't like the improved one from that case last year; it wasn't like the one yesterday. It was slow and sweet; it was a kiss telling him that she was ready to let him break down those walls, telling him she didn't want to fight her feelings anymore.

He slowly pulled away from her, ignoring her confused look.

"Kate, wait, we need to wait. Until this case is over."

At her even more confused look he spoke again.

"I can't Kate, not after…not after everything, I need to know this is real, I need to know this isn't going to go away after my life isn't in danger anymore. I need to know this is real"

Kate stepped back form him and smiled softly.

"I understand Castle, I really do. I hope we catch Rayle soon, I kinda like kissing you."

And with that she turned around and went to her bedroom, softly closing the door, leaving behind a smiling Castle who was more eager for this case to be over than she was.

* * *

><p><em>*relieved sigh*<em>

_It's finally done, I'm not too happy with this chapter, I wished it could be better….but….._

_Hey! I see that sharp implement! Put it away!...please?_

_Castle: *staring into space with a glazed expression*_

_Me: *Looking at Becket*t, you must really kiss good detective._

_Beckett: *staring into space with a glazed expression*_

_Me: *rolls eyes* teenagers I tell you, total teenagers...  
><em>

_WHY WON'T IT LET ME UPLOAD MY CHAPPY! _

__I'll try and get a couple more chappies out before my bday gets here!__


	8. Holding On

_*Watches Audience warily from behind bullet-proof glass.*_

_Yes, I re-read the last chapter I posted, and I do indeed remember saying I would update soon….and I am ashamed to say it has been over a month._

_*skitters back as a rock hits the glass*_

_HEY! Not fair! _

_*grumbles*_

_Well, anyway, taking into account the hecticness, craziness, insaneness and general lifeness getting in the way of updating, here is the new chapter! _

_I hope you all enjoy and take out your anger in REVIEWS!_

_I love reviews! I live off of them!_

**_Castle_**_: What are you going to do to me?_

_Ah, I see you have come out of your Kate-kissing coma…_

**_Beckett:_**_ *grumble and eye roll*_

_And there won't be too many more chappies in this here story, so I will be finishing this one up and then focusing on my Psych FF, because I have more to delve into on that one. I am picking apart our dear psychics psyche, hehe._

_OK then my dearies!_

**_READ ON!  
><em>**

* * *

><p>Kate sat at her desk in the precinct wondering what Castle was doing, she had left his loft about an hour ago, and she was still tingling from their kiss.<br>Files were spread out in front of her and a ring from a coffee cup long ago emptied. She glanced up to see Ryan and Esposito leaning over their desks, doing whatever it was they were doing.  
>She could see Gates in her office through the window; she had yet to say anything about Castle, which was a little surprising to Beckett.<br>Kate slowly rose form her chair and went to the break room, she still had a few more files to read before she went home, she had to make sure she had all her bases covered. They had no idea of Rayle would reappear and finish what he had started with Castle.

* * *

><p>Castle sat at his desk staring at a blank computer screen, trying to ignore the tingling from Beckett's kiss.<p>

_Over an hour and it still makes me feel all giddy, sheesh, I'm like a teenager…_

He had been trying to write for over thirty minutes now, but circumstances kept his mind running wild, he couldn't concentrate on writing if his life depended on it, he grunted and shook his head at the thought.

Sighing he shut the laptop's lid and rose slowly from his seat, as much as he tried to hide it, he was still in pain. That glass had done a lot of damage, but he had healed enough that not every movement hurt. Going to the kitchen he poured yet another cup of coffee, glancing at the clock he saw that it was four in the morning.

_Wow, I didn't realize so much time had passed._

Pulling the curtains aside slightly he looked down into the street below, half expecting to see Rayle staring up at him, or something equally sinister. Castle scoffed and let the curtain fall back into place,

_Stop being paranoid Castle…_

Slumping on the couch he wondered if the policemen outside had had anything to eat, or drink, in the last five hours. He knew they wouldn't leave their posts, they were stationed their by Beckett, and the fear of Beckett was a strong thing.  
>Castle snickered quietly to himself at the mental image of five burly police officers quivering in their boots under the slicing gaze of Beckett as she gave them orders.<p>

After a few minutes Castle let his eyes start to close, the need for sleep becoming stronger than the fear of the nightmares, as his eyes drifted shut he couldn't see or hear the silent _pfft _as one of his guards dropped to the cold cement with a bullet in his chest.

* * *

><p>Beckett jerked awake at the sound of Esposito calling her name, lifting her tousled head from its place on her desk she saw Esposito waving papers in the air.<p>

"I got something, I think I may have found out were Rayle is, he owns a small apartment in the Bronx."

Beckett lept from her seat and slung on her coat, running thin fingers through her hair, pulling out the knots and tangles.

"Let's go get him"

* * *

><p>Castle jerked awake at the sound of his doorknob being jiggled, his breath hitched in his throat as he glanced over to see the knob moving slightly.<br>Getting up he hissed quietly at the throbbing in his stomach, it wasn't terrible, but it was painful.  
>He tiptoed his way to his office, were the .45 was safely resting in his safe, as he knelt in front of it he heard the door being slowly opened, it made the quietest of noises, but this was Castle's loft, and he knew it by heart. With trembling fingers he spun the knob on the safe; he gritted his teeth and grimaced as he got it wrong. His fingers began to spin again, the knob making the slightest of clicking noises as it spun, but suddenly that wasn't the only thing clicking.<p>

Castle stiffened at the sound of a gun being cocked beside his ear; the whispered words made him tremble even harder.

"Don't move Mr. Castle"

A hand grabbed him by the shoulder and pulled him up, Castle squeezed his eyes shut for a moment then quickly opened them again, the gun was visible now, pointed at his head.  
>Looking past the weapon his eyes focused on its owner, Rayle's hard eyes glared at him from the darkness of his office.<p>

"You're coming with me Mr. Castle, and your going to come quietly."

Castle knew he had no choice, he knew he was in no condition to fight the man.

Nodding slowly he let Rayle yank him to the door and down to the lobby, George glanced at them as they started for the door, Rayle's gun pressing into his back forced words out of Castle's mouth.

"Hey George, my friend and I are going for a walk, I need some fresh air and some company"

The lobbyist nodded slightly and smiled,

"Good to see you up and about Mr. Castle, but isn't it a little late, or well, early?"

"Yeah, well, I couldn't sleep"

George nodded again and watched the men leave, a niggling in the back of his mind, but he ignored it and went back to his magazine.

* * *

><p>Beckett slammed her palm into the steering wheel, there had been nothing. Nothing to show them where Rayle was, all they had found at his apartment were a few Taco Bell wrappers, newspaper clippings of the bombing and an empty gun case under the bed.<p>

Esposito glanced at her from the passenger seat,

"We'll get him Beckett"

She nodded slightly as she started the car, something wasn't right, something just felt...wrong.  
>Pulling out her phone she hit number one on her speed-dial, she knew he would be awake, she from experience he wouldn't be able to sleep.<br>She listened as it rang, and rang, and rang, with no answer. The knot in her stomach worsened as Castle's voicemail sounded in her ear.  
>Ending the call she turned the car around, ignoring looks from her friends as she flew towards Castle's street, something was wrong, she knew it was.<br>Neither she, Ryan, Esposito or Castle realized just how close she was from being able to help him as the van carrying his unconscious, tied up body, drove past Beckett going the opposite direction as she pulled up to Castle's building.


	9. Tied Up

_OK OK OK, I know, you want to kill me, I can understand that, *smack* see? There! I smacked myself for you!  
><em>_Aaaaaaannnd, I made a couple new friends! *yanks Neal and Tony in by the sleeves*  
><em>_Audience, this is Neal Caffrey….keep him away from your pockets! And this is Tony DiNozzo, keep him away from your girl..._

_**Neal:** Hey, sorry about taking your watch earlier…..*feet shuffles hand in pockets*  
><em>_**Me: ***glares*  
><em>_**Neal:** *quiver*  
><em>_**Tony:** Haha! Busted!  
><em>_**Me: **Shut up Tony…  
><em>_**Tony:** *quivers* Shutting up boss…..  
><em>_**Me: **heeheehee_

_I have a demand! I am queen of this land and I have a edict! I am not updating after this until I reach 25 reviews! I love reviews, and I don't feel any inclination to continue unless I am, 1) Being threatened with bodily harm to do so, 2) I am properly satisfied with reviews, or 3) I am in the most bored mood one can be in, but then I'd be dead, because extreme boredom kills people! Pssh, everyone knows that…._

_So here is your next chapter, if you want more, REVIEW!  
><em>_*evil cackle*_

_**ONWARD!  
><strong>_

* * *

><p>Castle moaned softly as he slowly regained consciousness.<p>

His head throbbed from the wound Rayle had given him when he hit him on the head with his gun.

Shifting slightly Castle realized he was tied to a chair, his wrists tightly strapped to the arms and his legs taped to the legs of the chair. With a small barely audible groan he lifted his head, it appeared he was in some kind of basement, there were no windows and the air was stale. The walls were a dull gray cement, the only light came from two bare bulbs hanging above his head.

Panic suddenly rose in him as he realized his situation and he yanked and struggled against the bonds, his breath coming on short gasps, he didn't even realize there was a camera sitting on a tripod, its red light glowing at him eerily.

After a few more minutes of struggling he let out a frustrated yell and slumped in the chair, the restraints weren't going to break, he wasn't going anywhere.

Castle forced himself to calm down, only then did he notice the camera and the table adorned with a laptop and what looked like some kind of wireless connection center.

_What? A camera, why is there a camera…..the light is on, and it's red…oh crap._

Castle glared angrily at the camera, Rayle was probably sitting in another room laughing at Castle's futile attempts at escaping.

Castle jerked his head back behind his left shoulder as he heard a door opening; it was _just_ too far behind him to see who entered. Castle couldn't help thinking Rayle had done it on purpose just to raise the anxiety Castle would already be having when he couldn't see who came up behind him. He didn't have to wait long though; for Rayle appeared in his vision a moment later.

Castle glared up at him and scowled,

"What do you want Rayle, haven't you punished me enough?"

Rayle stood motionless in front of Castle; he didn't speak for a full five minutes, engaged in a glaring contest with Castle, or at least, it was a contest for Castle. The tension in the air could have been cut with a spoon; both men dared each other to blink.

Castle blinked in surprise as Rayle suddenly spoke and the tension snapped,

"You're different, do you know that Mr. Rodgers? You're not like the others I had to punish, they had no remorse for their actions, they felt no guilt. You, on the other hand, have great guilt and great remorse over what you've done."

Castle stared up at Rayle with slightly widened eyes,

"You've been watching me"

Rayle seemed almost impressed that Castle's words were statement, not a question.

"Yes, Mr. Rodgers, I have."

"Why are you calling me Rodgers"

"Because, that is your name, is it not?"

"No, it's not. Not anymore"

Rayle moved behind the camera and began pacing slowly back and forth, Castle's eyes followed him without blinking.

"I want you to realize something, Mr. Rodgers. This camera is not for my benefit, I have no interest in keeping an eye on you when I am not in the room. No, this camera is for your friend at the precinct, it is time that they saw the real Richard Alexander Rogers, the man who has hidden his past and who he used to be with great skill; when I saw your face on the back of a book cover last month and I started watching you, I was almost impressed. The charming, suave and rich playboy you made yourself into is so….opposite, of the Richard Rodgers I saw twenty years ago."

Castle hadn't spoken through Rayle's entire speech, his eyes flickered briefly to the camera when Rayle said it was for his friends, then they jerked back to Rayle when he said '"the real Richard Alexander Rogers"

_He couldn't possibly know anything, he's just bluffing. He wants me to spill it all on my own, he can't know anything…._

Rayle stopped pacing and stopped directly behind the camera,

"You do not believe me Richard, I can understand that. I would not believe me either, but I do indeed know you, about the little incident in the summer of your eighteenth birthday, the…'accident' when you were sixteen, and all the things in between."

Castle was nervous now, swallowing he glanced at the camera.

"What do you want Rayle, what do you gain by unearthing all my 'big bad' secrets?" You could almost see Castle's air quotation marks and sarcasm.

Rayle studied Castle for a minute, his eyes searching Castle's face, who stared back defiantly.

"You will understand soon, Richard"

* * *

><p>Beckett slammed her palm into the wall of the break room, causing Ryan and Esposito to jump slightly. They were all angry with themselves for not getting to Castle in time; the only thing they had found was the jimmied lock on Castle's door.<p>

"We need to find him; we have no idea what Rayle will do. He may have killed him already"

"Beckett, don't talk like that, we don't know what's happening, we'll get Castle back, and I think if Rayle was going to kill him he would have when he broke into Castle's loft, he didn't for a reason, which means we have time"

Beckett nodded slightly at Ryan's statement, he was right.

They all turned their heads when Gates strode briskly into the room with a grim expression, well, grimmer than usual.

"Detectives, you need to come see this."

She didn't bother to see if they were following her as she led them to the conference room where a laptop was resting on the long table.

Turning to them Gates spun the laptop to face them; on the screen was an unconscious Castle, tied to a chair.

Esposito narrowed his eyes and growled slightly and Ryan turned away and shook his head, muttering to himself, Beckett stayed silent, her eyes glued to the screen.

"It appears the feed is live, I have people tracking it, but Rayle is bouncing it off multiple towers and changing his IP address every twenty-five seconds, it doesn't look like we'll be able to find him by tracking the feed"

Beckett slowly went to the table and thumped into a chair facing the laptop, the only wound she could see was a small trickle of blood on the side of his face where it looked like he had been struck"

Esposito and Ryan turned to the screen as they heard Castle suddenly groan.

He raised his head an inch and they saw his slightly glazed eyes swing across the room; they all noticed the tensing of his muscles when he realized where he was. Everyone stared rigidly as Castle began frantically pulling at his restraints.

After a few minutes Castle slumped in the chair and started really looking around him.

Beckett felt as though he was staring straight at her as his eyes found the camera, a look of confusion, then….anger, came over his face. His eyes narrowed at the screen and he scowled.

Everyone was slightly taken aback at the anger in his eyes and face, they had never seen a look quite like it before from Castle, they all tensed at Rayle entered the room, Castle transferred his glare from the camera to Rayle as the man stopped just in the camera's line of sight as he stared at Castle.

"_What do you want Rayle, haven't you punished me enough?"_

Both men stared at each other for almost two minutes, anger and defiance were written all over Castle's features.

The detectives and Gate's blinked along with Castle at the suddenly broken silence of Rayle speaking.

"_You're different, do you know that Mr. Rodgers? You're not like the others I had to punish, they had no remorse for their actions, they felt no guilt. You, on the other hand, have great guilt and great remorse over what you've done."_

Castle's eyes widened slightly, Beckett couldn't tell if it was disbelief or anger.

"_You've been watching me"_

His tone was almost accusatory.

"_Yes, Mr. Rodgers, I have."_

Beckett blinked.

"_Why are you calling me Rodgers" _

The detectives narrowed their eyes slightly in confusion.

"_Because, that is your name, is it not?"_

"_No, it's not. Not anymore"_

Now everyone in the room gave each other confused looks,

The tone Castle used in his answer wasn't the kind they would expect, it was almost…vehement, and slightly…apprehensive.

Rayle moved to stand behind the camera, Castle's eyes were following a back and forth pattern, betraying the fact Rayle seemed to be pacing.

"_I want you to realize something, Mr. Rodgers. This camera is not for my benefit, I have no interest in keeping an eye on you when I am not in the room. No, this camera is for your friend at the precinct, it is time that they saw the real Richard Alexander Rogers, the man who has hidden his past and who he use to be with great skill; when I saw your face on the back of a book cover last month and I started watching you, I was almost impressed. The charming, suave, rich playboy you made yourself into is so….opposite, of the Richard Rodgers I saw twenty years ago."_

Beckett's stomach nodded in apprehension at the shocked looked on Castle's face.

_I'm not going to want to hear this._

Castle's eye stopped their movement to stare directly above the camera, he licked his lips and looked the man they couldn't see with…fear, he glanced down at the camera then jerked his eyes back to Rayle.

"_You do not believe me, I can understand that. I would not believe me either, but I do indeed know you, about the little incident in the summer of your eighteenth birthday, the…"accident" when you were sixteen, and all the things in between."_

Castle's face was looking genuinely scared now, like he was terrified Rayle was going to say more.

"_What do you want Rayle, what do you gain by unearthing all my big bad secrets?"_

Secrets? Beckett was slightly taken aback by Castle sarcastic but fearful tone.

"_You will understand soon, Richard"_

The apprehension in Beckett's stomach turned into an emotion she couldn't identify.

_Oh Castle, what didn't you tell me?  
><em>

* * *

><p><em>Okeedokee, so this is the re-uploaded version of this chapter, not too much change but a little. Tell me what you think!<br>__Give me suggestions, where you would like this story to go, pitch me your ideas of the secrets you think I'm going to create for our  
><em>_favorite little mystery writer! Like I said, no update till I reach 25 reviews, almost there, but not quite!_

_**Me:** Thank you again Jayce for your review, I really appreciate it.  
><strong>Jayce:<strong> Happy to help  
><strong>Neal:<strong> Why are you being so nice?  
><strong>Tony:<strong> Neal! Shut up, you should know by now, if she's being nice it means she has something  
>nasty planned...<br>**Me:** Aw Tony! You know me too well!  
><strong>Neal:<strong> Should I be worried?  
><strong>Tony:<strong> Very...  
><em>_**Jayce:** I have no idea what's going on..._

_OK then! I will have a new chapter ready for when I reach 25 reviews! _


	10. NEW AUTHORS NOTE

THIS IS AN AUTHORS NOTE.

_**Me**: *wide-eyed, terrified look* Um, hello Audience. Remember me?_

_Of course you do. Well, how long has it been? *checks* _

_Oh my. Ooohhh dear. You are all going to kill me. I have a good excuse! My laptop passed away months and months ago, I was mourning her forever, and I literally has no other chances or anywhere else to continue updating. I didn't even have a chance just to tell you guys that I had lost my laptop._

_*cowers* So, just how strong is your bloodlust?_

_**Audience:** *glares*_

_**Me:** Oookaaay, apparently very strong. *claps hands* Well, I am going to stay right here behind my force-field and just throw the new chapter over the top tomorrow. How does that sound?_

_**I AM LOSING MY PONDS TONIGHT!** I am emotionally compromised right now, my poor Ponds. I'm not going to survive tonight. But I will try and survive just so I can finish this fic. It will be finished within the next couple weeks. Then I'm going to begin my Merlin Fic. It may have some parts where I copy dialog or a moment from the new season coming out next week, but mostly it's going to be my first reveal fic and completely stand-alone from the season. Though it will start three years in the future like the new season is._

_*smiles weakly* Okay, so does Audience forgive me? Is the demise of my laptop and the not enough expenses to get a new one an adequate reason for not updating in eight months?_

_No? crap…_

_P.S: **Guest**/**brittbe: **This fic isn't just whump. The scene I'm about to continue isn't meant to just cause Castle physical pain. It's to cause emotional pain. He's so private, he's been keeping all these secrets from Beckett and the others, and he doesn't want them to find out. He's terrified of how they will look at him if they ever found out. Rayle knows this, so he's inflicting all the emotional pain he can on Castle, and potentially ruining his relationship with the detectives._


	11. Chapter 9

_Alright, my dearies, my precious, wonderful, threatening Audience, I HAVE RETURNED! *thunder cracks*_

_I have finally gotten a new laptop, and my many plot bunnies are hopping around in glee. So now, finally, I give you THE NEW CHAPTER! *mega crowd cheering noises*_

_**Me:**__ *bows* Thank you, thank you._

_**Tony**__: *cringes* and here I was hoping I'd never see you again._

_**Me**__: *-_-* don't forget, I could rewrite that scene and have you stuck in that elevator for many….MANY more hours._

_**Tony:**__ *gulps* Great to see you again!_

_**Me: **__Mhmm…._

_Oh, and a little friendly reminder, I'm in college now, and I have—more than once—almost died from homework overload. I haven't even finished the homework I have due today. I'm forgoing it for you guys! You should all love me!_

_**ONWARD!**_

* * *

><p>Castle sat stiffly in the chair, his wrists were already aching from the restraints, and Rayle's steady gaze was getting very unnerving.<p>

"Do you understand why I'm doing this, now, Mr. Rodgers?"

Castle's own gaze only hardened and changed to a glare as he followed Rayle's pacing movements with his eyes.

"Let's discuss that night all those years ago, when you murdered that man."

Castle's heartbeat quickened, it felt so loud he was sure Rayle could hear it.

"I didn't murder him, it was self-defense."

"Was it, Richard? Was it really only an accident, or was it the first manifestation of your fascination with death?"

Castle's heartbeat then started thudding in his chest so hard it almost hurt.

_Tyson's partially smirking face hovered in front of his own, his voice low and threatening. "You're drawn to death. You like to be around it because it thrills you. Now where does that come from? Your own suppressed impulses?" His face leans closer, "How close to death do you want to get?"_

"Richard!"

Castle's head snapped to the side with the force of the blow Rayle gave. His jaw aching, Castle slowly brought his gaze back to his captor, realizing he hadn't heard the last few things Rayle had said.

"What was that, Richard?"

Rayle's tone was almost light, interested.

"You drifted away there for a moment."

Castle swallowed, his face holding the same expression it did on the night he let Jerry Tyson get the best of him.

Rayle leaned down at stared straight into Castle's eyes for a moment, not speaking, not moving. Finally, after almost a whole minute, he slowly rose to full height and turned, leaving the room without a word.

The breath Castle hadn't realized he'd been holding burst out of his chest as he blinked, tightening his jaw. He hated this. He hated the barely controllable anger he felt burning in his chest, that same anger that would get him into so much trouble when he was young. Back then the anger and its affects were easy to write off as the rebellious attitude of a teenager. But as he got older, he realized the anger needed to be hid, stuffed away in the dark. Now, now when the anger arose, Castle immediately masked it behind sarcasm or a winning smile. Channeling it into his persona, his fake attitude he put on for others, so they wouldn't see the anger boiling up behind his eyes.

Castle's jaw tightened so much it almost hurt as he closed his eyes, trying to steady his breathing.

Beckett had almost forgotten that Esposito, Ryan and Gates were standing next to her as she watched with rapt attention to the images on the screen. Beckett had begun to see glimpses, some little moments where Castle seemed on the brink of breaking his hold over himself.

She had frowned when his eyes had taken on a blank expression, like he was remembering something that drove him mad.

"_Was it, Richard? Was it really only an accident, or was it the first manifestation of your fascination with death?"_

Beckett didn't understand why that comment made Castle blank out that way, but whatever it was, it interested Rayle. A minute later, after complete silence from both Rayle and Castle, Raye turned and left the room through a door Beckett couldn't see.

Castle's breathing had quickened. Not a lot, but enough that all three of his watchers had seen it. Beckett watched with an unreadable expression as he closed his eyes, a look on his face Beckett didn't understand.

The deafening silence that had reigned in the room was suddenly broken by Gates as she spoke up.

"We tried tracing it, Rayle's using his own wifi, we can't find him."

None of the detectives answered for a moment, each were looking at each other, practiced unspoken messages passing between them. Finally, Ryan was the first to speak,

"I'll go do a more thorough check to see if Rayle owns any other property; we may find Castle that way."

He didn't wait for a reply, he only turned and hurried back into the bullpen. Then Esposito stepped forward, his hand hovering over Beckett's shoulder,

"We'll find him, Kate, don't worry."

With that he turned and followed Ryan.

Beckett slowly sank into a chair, her gaze never leaving the screen. She could almost feel Castle's hand in her own as she mentally told him to keep calm. He couldn't hear her, of course not, but if anyone had that horribly annoying way of reading her mind it was Castle.

_C'mon, Rick. I don't care what Rayle has to say, just hang in there, we'll find you._

Castle's head slowly rose and he opened his eyes. A ghost of a smile flicked across his face and he stared at the camera for just a moment then let his gaze fall as he steadily tried to free his wrists from the zip ties holding him captive in the chair.

* * *

><p><em>Well? I think I kept the tone of the story the same after so long. It can be hard falling back into it when you haven't been writing it for so long. But anyway, here is the new chapter. RIGHT ON TIME. EXACTLY WHEN I SAID YOU'D GET IT. And later I will start the next chapter!<em>

_**Audience:**__ *slightly placated*_

_**Neal**__: You're good._

_**Me:**__ *evil grin* Yes. I know._


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